We shoot without a gun,
We’ll take on anyone,
It’s really nothing new,
It’s just a thing we like to do!

You’d better get ready to die
You’d better get ready to kill
You’d better get ready to run,
’cause here we co-o-ome,
You’d better get ready to die!

2015 arcs toward us with all the subtlety of an anvil in flight (in fact, by the time this gets posted, it may well have hit us head-on), and a new year invariably means a cack-handed attempt at pledges. You know how it works. Hand on heart, we stand up and swear that this year will be different. This year we’ll stick to our budget, we’ll do the whole open-accounting thing, we’ll decide on our projects NOW and we’ll see them through the year…

… and then, like a vegetarian who smells a bacon sandwich, we come around, covered in crumbs and grease, stomach churning and yet vaguely satisfied, wondering if there’s any ketchup left after what we just did to ourselves.

Well, not this time, matey. You’re not getting me with that inevitable sense of betrayal and loss, no sirree. Other than deliberately not changing the debit card I have registered with Blizzard – something has to stop me blowing money on WoW character changes, after all – I am resolving only to do whatever the fuck I feel like for the next twelve months of wargaming, to spend less and play more.

That’s not to say I’mma run out and burn through the credit card tomorrow or anything, I’m just not going to beat myself up about deciding that actually, I quite fancy a new Cryx warjack or some Saga Byzantines or that it’s finally time to give Freebooter’s Fate a proper go, or that I’d like to have a 40K army to knock about with from time to time when I happen to be in the same place as some other functional human being.

That’s why I spent my birthday money on Orks this year.

The Nobz are one of the conversion prospects that’s made me want to do this army. The general principle is “make sure everyone’s got some SPACE BITZ so they don’t look too WFB”, and I’ve done my best to keep the modelling simple by using mostly Black Orc components.

That’s why pretty much everyone has a big choppa – for half the mob they’re the easiest things to model, a simple weapon swap and they’re done. Where I have done arm swaps for more CHAINSAWS ON STICKS, I’ve generally done what I can to get a solid joint that doesn’t look too painful, and then stuck on one of the million-and-six armour plates from the Nobz kit to hide any remaining awkwardness. That this looks metal as fuck is merely a bonus.

Once I’m done with the Black Orks, the ordinary Nobz models (I have five) will be saved for either unit leaders or a Flash Gitz mob.

This chap’s a replacement for my old and knackered Warboss, Griznak Grimskul. He’s based on a Finecast Black Orc Bigboss (which didn’t have any real issues other than the amount of flash on it – first Finecast model I’ve ever worked with, actually), with the gun and the arm from a Black Templars Terminator. I’m not entirely happy with the hammer arm and will probably acquire another one at some stage to extend his pose a bit; at the moment he looks a bit scrunched up. His backpack power plant isn’t very photogenic (the light levels in Castle von Von have been all over the place for days, which isn’t helping). That said: it’s made from an old Tomb Spyder’s head (upside down and back to front), some random plastic vehicle widget, and old Dreadnought cables chopped up and positioned appropriately. Also he looks a bit like Bane, only green.

The assorted Nobz and Warboss will probably have their chainmail sculpted over at some point too. If I add a layer of trailing cloth – like they’re wearing long coats under their armour – they’ll blend in a lot better with the Kromlech bodies I want to use for my regular Orks. I did buy a bunch of Mantic ones, but that was… a mistake. They may be cheap but they don’t fit in with the aesthetic I’m going for and they’re not especially nice as artifacts; it may cost two or three times as much to use ‘proper’ models but they’re going to look right and I’ll be happier with them.

Anyway, once that’s done, my next trick is a brick of thirty-odd Ork Boyz and a big conversion I’ve been thinking about forever – suffice to say that it involves a Land Raider, a Trukk, some Lootas and a length of jeweller’s chain.

Now, here’s the Orkiest song ever to close on.