Hellbound and Down: A Hellraiser Fan Responds to the Hellraiser: Judgement Trailer

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Today it is my pleasure to present a special guest post from my buddy Brendan Carrion. He’s one of the blokes behind the excellent Full Metal RPG podcast and my go to guy when it comes to the world of roleplaying games. Brendan posted an abridged version of this rant about Hellraiser on his Facebook page and I thought it to be so eloquent and informed whilst still remaining visceral and pissed off that I begged him to let me to share it here. Brendan graciously agreed so please enjoy this dose of his scorn then go check out the mighty Full Metal RPG podcast.

The Road to Hell

So the other night I get home from work and my girlfriend is sitting on the couch and she’s really anxious to show me a trailer on YouTube for the new direct to DVD Hellraiser sequel called Hellraiser: Judgement. She plays it for me, sitting there, watching my face, and when it’s over she says,

“So. What do you think?”

I think she was expecting me to fall off the couch and start rolling around on the the floor, my mouth all afroth, as I cursed the heavens for inflicting on us another goddamn subpar Hellraiser sequel that no one was asking for. I think she was expecting me to start pacing around  the apartment, flailing my hands over my head and shrieking about continuity in a high-pitched voice.

I’m a nerd about this type of shit and this is what we do.

But neither of these things happened. It was just another trailer that shows us too much of another crummy movie. It wasn’t an assault on my personal past as a human being or a cultural hate crime against the beloved legacy of a finely crafted story woven over generations.

So despite the fact that I have: A.)  the movie poster to the first Hellraiser film hanging in my living room. B.) Beloved pictures of me mugging with Doug Bradley and Ashley Lawrence at Monsterpalooza in 2014. C.) The poster for Hellraiser: Bloodline tattooed to my flesh, my reaction to the trailer was pretty blase.

Over the next couple of pages I’ll attempt to explain why.  Continue reading →

Corehammer Armies: Old Woden

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As part of our continued revamp we are bringing back some of the more popular regular monthly features from yesteryear. First amongst those is Corehammer Armies. Each month we’ll be shining the spotlight on the mighty forces fielded by our extended circle of heroic generals and warmongering tyrants. In this instalment Chief Chirpa has a nice chat with Joe Wilding about his very sick Treemen, Dryads and Wood Elves. Read on… Continue reading →

New Year/ Same old shit it’s the January Mosh Round Up

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Look, I don’t normally place much faith in statistics but according to the data analysis thing in the back end of WordPress, these hardcore round ups have become quite popular. I can only assume that the extreme music world has finally recognised my immense talent for discovering good bands and writing hilarious words about them for you, the little people. To capitalise upon that interest we’ll be shifting the monthly round ups to a bi-weekly schedule for as long as I can be arsed to write them. I tend to pick and choose stuff that I personally enjoy for publication here. If you want to read the mean reviews I suggest you head on over to my author feed at Apathy & Exhaustion

Ok to business, lets take a look at Hangman  from Long Island. Hadn’t checked out these guys before but they played some shows with Higher Power on their recent US tour and I heard good things so let’s give them a go. Vile Decree is the name of this new 7″ on Flatspot Records.  Hangman set out their stall on opening track Pesticide, mid paced chugging malevolence. There’s groove and scorn in abundance and when the mid paced break in Coming To shows up I challenge all of you not to screwface and bob your head like you’re mean mugging in a Biohazard video or some shit. Set a rubbish bin on fire, wear shades indoors, take a mean dog for a walk etc.

Abandoned crunches into view and for some reason I’m reminded of the Full Contact songs from the NY Hardest comp even though I havent thought about that record in fifteen years. Brian from Long Island miseries Neglect drops a guestie on this cut and his tombstone drawl provides a dynamic contrast to the Hangman vocalists cleaner style. Overall a pleasing listen, recommended for fans of mid nineties New York hardcore and urban fonts. You can listen to them HERE Continue reading →

Playmats.eu – We are the new breed (Of battle mats)

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Solid roundabout skills. Jar of Mellow Birds just out of shot.

Battle mats, basically a grown up version of the old road/town carpet mat I was told to play on, during my first day of infant school. No idea why I remember that so clearly but there you go. I don’t even like cars. Anyway, they’re patterned to look like some sort of terrain of your choice, lava, steppes, snow, jungle, you get the idea, and roll up nice and neatly. None of that eternal “how do you store a realm of battle” rubbish. They’re usually made out of any one of a myriad of different  polymer compounds to provide a flat colourful surface for you to play wargames on. Pretty much all the same eh?

Well not quite, I’ve had the pleasure of reviewing the full set of mats from playmats.eu and they’re a cut above the rest. Read on to find out why.

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Drifts Get Deeper- December Mosh round up

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The sky has taken on a bleaker quality than usual, the first proper snows of the season have arrived and that showy wanker round the corner has got his big Christmas lights up. Winter has finally come upon us. As I sit here during the seasonal perineum that squats between Christmas and New years I took the opportunity to stick on my wellies and wade through the tide of absolute shit that laps at my door 24/7 aka this months massive pile of demos and EP’s. Here’s three things I thought were good.. Continue reading →

Corehammer Single Figure Challenge

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Despite the glut of (by my own admission) fascinating articles, reviews and interviews posted on Ye Olde Corehammer this past few months, it pains me to admit that we have been woefully bereft of hobby content.

‘Not enough painted moon men‘ was the cry from the peanut gallery, and who am I to deprive our readership of their bread and butter? So here we have the resurrected Single Figure Challenge.

It’s dead simple right, submit a single figure that you’ve been working on recently to be scrutinised by our readers. The miniature can be from any games system or manufacturer, just send some nice pictures alongside a bit off text telling us a bit about it. Sounds easy doesn’t it! Yeah well you’d be surprised at how hard some folk make this, anyway here’s our entrants. Vote for your favourite in the comments below, winner get’s a £20 Element Games voucher. Crack on. Continue reading →

Hard times in the Age Of Boredom….

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Guys, we need to talk about Stevie Boxall. What has become of the former Corehammer webmaster and lapsed Warhammer tournament journeyman? Well since both our readers asked, I figured we’d shine a light on his activities beyond the tabletop…..allow me to introduce Stevie’s new squeeze. The Age Of Boredom….

I won’t pretend that I knew Let’s Play videos were a thing but after spending a few minutes scouring Youtube for comparable material, of which there is an abundance, turns out I’m the big idiot doesn’t it?

Anyway Stevie’s tossed his hat into the ring to provide dedicated play throughs of Indie and third party games for Nintendo Switch. Thankfully he’s a lot better at video games and surprisingly amusing commentary than he ever was at competitive Warhammer Fantasy Battle. I mean I once saw him get pulped by a fellow with a My Little Pony themed Dark Elf army. Imagine that!

There’s no danger of catching a  Brony beatdowns here though as Stevie talks us through his progress in games like Nine Parchments from the safe solitude of his couch.

 I don’t know shit about Nine Parchments but I do know that I used to enjoy Doom a lot when I was a bit more active with this type of gaming. Suffice to say Stevie’s series of Doom videos piqued my interest as I was more familiar with the IP than any of the other stuff he’s rattling on about. Once again the commentary is surprisingly entertaining given how exhausting the man is in real life.

If you’re a gamer and any of this appeals to you, go give Age Of Boredom a ‘follow’ on Instagram/Twitter at www.instagram.com/ageofboredom  www.twitter.com/ageofboredom  If you are on Facebook go chuck him a subscribe to stay up to date HERE. I don’t know what Stevie’s got lined up next for AOB, but my fingers are crossed for comprehensive play through videos of Double Dragon and Target:Renegade.

80s and 90s Cartoons: The Bad Babysitter

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Ahhh, cartoons. The nostalgic comfort blanket, the technicolor dreamweaver, the idiot box babysitter. I wanted to say “I miss good cartoons”, but I don’t, because I watch them all the time. I watch Transformers, I watch Thundercats, I watch Doug, and sometimes I watch Recess, although I was already too old to watch that when it came out and don’t really know why I enjoy it so much, so that doesn’t need discussing here to be honest. What I’m saying is that, in 2017, as a grown up lady, I not only care very little about what people might think of me spending my Saturday mornings watching old cartoons, but that everything I ever want is right at my fingertips.

As youngbloods likely of the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I imagine you’re more than happy to stand behind me as I turn my grizzled grey mug up to the sky, and shake my fist yelling about how “KIDS TODAY DON’T KNOW THEY’RE BORN”. At last count, there are about 300 cartoon channels available to today’s youth. Nickleodeon, 6 different incantations of Cartoon Network, Disney, endless dreck available immediately on Netflix, Amazon Video, Apple TV. You couldn’t get through it all if you paused the clock for 6 months and never slept. It’s insane. Naked bears, pokemons, yu-gi-ohs, CGI chipmunks, nu-school Manga looking My Little Pony. I could go on, but I won’t.

Continue reading →

Cured Of Life: Ten questions with Guilt Ritual

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I discovered Guilt Ritual by accident earlier this year when I got talking to frontman Stephen Hupfer about some other nerd shit. Guilt Ritual are cool and sound like all the good bits of 90’s metallic hardcore with none of the bullshit. This interview is taken from my zine Harder They Fall issue 4 which will be up for pre-order in January. That issue also features interviews with Tom Pimlott, Ill Natured, Payday, Firm Standing Law, Insist plus loads of the mad shit that I write at 3 am when I’m deprived of rational thought and sifting through the rubble of my existence to determine exactly where where my life went wrong. Cool. Anyway, here’s Stephen….

Tell our readers about Stephen Hupfer’s secret origin…how did you find hardcore?

When I was younger I listened to a lot of Ramones, Korn and Eminem and had no idea what hardcore was. When I got to high school (2005) I became friends with this kid Jordan who was a year older than me. We were linked up due to our mutual hobby Magic: The Gathering and him wearing goth chain pants that I thought were so sick. One day he gave me a couple CD’s (Set Your Goals – Reset, The Warriors – War is Hell, & Bane – The Note) and told me about these concerts that’d happen every Friday in our town. I thought Bane sucked and The Warriors were the sickest thing I’d ever heard. I went with my new found pal down to this bar and saw 100 Demons & Since the Flood. I was really surprised to see a bunch of kids that were older than me that I went to school with moshing and just beating the shit out of people. For whatever reason hardcore was like the cool thing at my high school. Continue reading →

Bardcore – East Lancs Tales

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I’ve always had my reserves in regards to pen and paper roleplaying because of something that happened to me in the winter of 2009. I was working in the dismal council tax office of my local government at the time, surrounded by people that spent money voting on Big Brother and counting down the days to an all-inclusive binge in Shagaluf, or so I thought…

Continue reading →